00. new beginnings
Looking into 2024, here's what you can expect from the newsletter over the next few months.
Tomorrow we flip our calendars over into a new year.
In many ways, there is nothing that separates today from tomorrow. January 1, 2024 is, after all, just another day. I’d argue that any day offers us the opportunity to try something different, start again, say hello and goodbye to new or old habits.
Yet I can’t deny that there’s still something special about starting a new year. Perhaps it’s because it allows us dream and re-evaluate, to question, to consider making a change in a way that no other day does.
The narrative is cleaner, more palatable to comprehend and follow. Few people question why you want to give up drinking, go to the gym, or read more at the beginning of the year. It’s simply what you do. It feels easier to say I will start something on January 1 than it is on, say, February 27 or July 23.
I understand why this mindset is so appealing - I’ve set several new goals and habits that I’d like to implement in earnest tomorrow - but if I’ve learned anything from this year, it’s that we don’t need an arbitrary date to give us permission to do something differently.
When I went to sleep on April 30 - coming back from a disastrous weekend in Los Angeles that involved tears and a near-silent plane ride back to the East Coast - I hadn’t planned on asking Jake, my husband, for a divorce the next morning. But when I woke up that Monday, May 1, I realized I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep lying to myself, to Jake, to our parents. Everything wasn’t okay and it was time to finally admit it.
What was said that morning were words, entire sentences, that I have not committed to memory, but even if I’d had a recorder, even if I could give you the full VR experience of what the morning of May 1, 2023 was like in the basement bedroom on Howard Avenue, I will not invite you into the room with us, because what is there to say other than we concluded that this was where our marriage would end.
Once we were both finally honest with ourselves, with each other, it was like a weight had lifted. There is something freeing about saying something out loud for the first time.
During the first few weeks and months, I was racked with guilt about how good it felt to acknowledge our marriage was no longer salvageable, that it was neither benefitting me nor Jake nor anyone else to continue pretending that it was.
Looking back, eight months later, I feel nothing but compassion, empathy, and a newfound understanding for the person I was when I decided to get married and the couple we once were that no longer exists.
This was a long year - a hard year, a difficult year - but it also brought me closer to myself, to the person I am but was always running from.
I am excited to share this more authentic version of myself with you all over the coming weeks and months and throughout the year. I am still finding my voice, learning how to navigate this platform and what I want to share here, but know this:
My content for the next few months will fall into two broad categories.
Shorter weekly updates every Friday morning that feature:
A brief reflection on my week, what has inspired me, or how I am thinking about the world around me
A round-up of what I’m reading, listening to, watching, and things I’m excited about (events, openings, etc.) around New York City
Longer essays every other Sunday morning about topics I find interesting. Some recent content to look out for includes:
Reflections on our changing society and culture
A Look at the Top 10 Percent
Modern Dating: Do Women Finally Have the Upper Hand?
Media Analysis
The Modern Workplace Novel
Seinfeld: 30 Years Later
Dispatches from…
Life Along the Franklin Avenue Shuttle
New York’s “Member-only” Social Clubs
I hope that wherever you find yourself at midnight - whether it is cheering with friends, eating 12 grapes under the table, or sleeping soundly in your bed because you went to sleep at 10 PM (same) - that next year is a little bit sweeter, brighter, and meaningful. I hope that this is the year you decide to take that leap of faith, try something new or step away from something that no longer feels right.
I hope that you can rest soundly in the knowledge that you know who you are
Here’s to 2024.
See you on Friday!
xx